the one and only original
Did you ever read your Spam Folder at WordPress? I mean really read the thing, not just glance to make sure everything there was actually spam and then delete it? I have and it makes for some interesting reading and conclusions. Here are some of the things I’ve learned from my very own Spam Folder:
1 Beautiful Russian Brides like my stuff. I get a lot of spam hits from them. Isn’t it great that Russian brides like American baseball enough to read my stuff?
2. Gorgeous Girls of the Ukraine like my stuff. I get a lot of spam hits from them. Isn’t it great that gorgeous Ukrainian girls like American baseball enough to read my stuff?
3. The two above create a certain problem for me. I’ve always been something of a ladies man (What? You thought the babes around here read me for my baseball acumen? 🙂 ) but this particular combination is dangerous. With the Russians and the Ukrainians squaring off in the Eastern Ukraine even as I type this, my charm could be getting me into deep trouble. Russians? Ukrainians? Russians? Ukrainians? Which do I pick? Being deathly afraid of Putin, his arsenal, and his willingness to use it, I’m reluctantly going to go with the Beautiful Russian Brides. Sorry Gorgeous Girls of the Ukraine. Maybe next time, ladies.
4. Triple X porn likes my stuff. I get a lot of spam hits from them. Isn’t it great that porn people like American baseball enough to step away from their photos and flicks long enough to read my stuff? My wife isn’t sure what to think of this, but it seems to be true that I’m a favorite of triple x porn. At least a couple of times a week the porn guys (at least I presume it’s guys) show up in my Spam Folder. I’m not sure what word that I use gets their trolling attention but I seem to keep using it. A lot.
5. The Right Wing Fringe likes my stuff. I get a lot of spam hits from them. In this case I know exactly which word gets their attention. I’m getting a bunch of stuff telling me to stand up for God, country, Mom, apple pie, the girl I left behind (see what I mean about being a ladies man?), guns, and in eternal opposition to the Affordable Health Care Act. I use the word Veteran’s a bunch. Now it’s always in conjunction with the Veteran’s Committee of the Hall of Fame, but it surely triggers these guys. Apparently I don’t use any word that gets the Left Wing Fringe reading me. It seems to me that baseball should be shared equally between Left Wing Fringe and Right Wing Fringe. I wonder what I’m doing wrong?
6. The Jihadi’s like my stuff. I get a lot of spam hits from them. Isn’t it great that Jihadi’s like American baseball enough to stop blowing up themselves and other stuff to read me? I’ve never used Allah or Sharia or Middle East in anything I’ve written (at least I don’t think so) but I keep getting, about once every couple of weeks, stuff wanting me to go to some Jihad website and enlist in the cause. I’m not sure what to think about this; after all baseball is sorta like kite flying and we know what the Taliban did do people who flew kites (apparently not big fans of Disney’s “Let’s Go Fly a Kite”). I do know it’s a symptom that proves the good guys are winning. If these Yahoos are desperate enough to try to enlist someone my age and as out of shape as I am, we have to be winning. Alternatively, they’re crazy (I kinda lean toward this answer.).
7. There’s a Japanese website that likes my stuff. I get a lot of spam hits from them. I can’t read it at all. The only Japanese words I know are banzai (I watch old WWII movies), sushi, Tora Tora Tora (see what I mean about WWII movies), shakuhachi (it’s a flute), samurai, hibachi chicken, Toyota, and Ichiro so I have no idea what’s going on here but I do like Sushi, Ichiro, and hibachi chicken. Don’t care so much for the flute music–not my cup of saki (Ooh, another Japanese word I know).
8. Of course there are a dozen types telling me that my blog page would look better and attract more readers if I’d just give them a ton of money to spiff up my page. How can you top my header, Gionfriddo’s Catch, anyway? Do I look like Mr. Spiffy to you?
9. And finally I’ve gotten some stuff about “enhancement surgery”. It’s unclear what’s being “enhanced” and I’m not at all sure whether it’s male or female enhancement involved. I haven’t tried one of the pages yet so I’m not certain what I’m missing or what I need “enhancing.”
So instead of asking “What’s in your wallet?” let me ask “What’s in your Spam Folder?”
Tags: spam
Verdun2's Blog 
December 10, 2015 at 7:39 am
Hysterical, V!!!!! 🙂
We have a lot of Russian and Ukrainian women around here, and they women but they sure ain’t “ladies”. You’re not missing anything. Their personalities are awful and their manners are worse. Sorry to stereotype, but sometimes stereotypes inadvertently have some truth to them, so I’ll just say that they’re pushy and rude and kind of nasty, at least in public. New Yawkas are bad enough, in general, but they were probably rude and nasty even before they came here because they are the WORST. I went on a blind date with one, and she’d been in America for many many years but hadn’t lost here ways. She just sat there at our table at Dunkin’ Donuts and stared a hole through me and made me feel so nervous and made me feel very uncomfortable. When she DID talk, she was pushy and bossy and somehwat sarcastic, but she hardly spoke. I saw her one more time and then cut it off, which is what I thought SHE was doing the whole time, if you get my drift, in that it was a very emasculating and humiliating experience.
Glen
December 10, 2015 at 7:45 am
This was hilarious, man. You know, I pretty much never check my spam folder, but now I’m tempted to (though I imagine it probably looks more or less like yours.)
As for attracting left-wing attention, just use the word “fascist” once in a while (as in, the Yankees are a fascist regime) in conjunction with “Trump,” (as in, loudmouth blowhard who might actually be a Yankees fan), and that might work.
Finally, if the jihadis are following you, can the NSA be far behind?
December 10, 2015 at 8:24 am
“Trump” (rhymes with Chump) and “fascist”? OK, that ought to work. And the NSA? That explains the dark panel truck with the antennas parked across the street.
v
December 10, 2015 at 7:53 am
I get a lot of stuff concerning SEO optimization, which, if nothing else, ups my page view count.
December 10, 2015 at 8:00 am
I just looked at my WP Spam folder and paid attention to the column that showed which post the spam was associated with. Wow! I am popular with the video gamers, financial investors and the porn people (mention “summer lovin'” and suddenly you are on the radar screen). Thanks for the chuckle today.
Ω
December 10, 2015 at 8:36 am
I get a lot less spam than I got enjoyment from this post. Good stuff!
December 10, 2015 at 9:10 am
Jihadi stuff!? Wow. I can’t say I’ve received any of that. How disturbing.
December 10, 2015 at 4:41 pm
I have a huge amount of spam and a large number of weird followers who do not speak English. I’m very popular, I guess, with people who don’t have any idea what I’m saying. (My friends might think this apt.)
My favorite piece of spam I ever received in my folder was from a spammer touting “spam filter software”. 🙂
December 11, 2015 at 12:26 am
Great post!
December 15, 2015 at 6:29 am
To turn this into a post is beautiful attention to detail v, that noticing the material all around us and it’s funny and disturbing as well.